I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
