just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
