so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I pour the whiskey from now on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
