TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
