her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize