my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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