I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
