i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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