Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
