how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
