My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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