THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
