Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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