NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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