well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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