Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
