I am in a vortex of obligation.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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