Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
