Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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