i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
