How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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