I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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