Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
