My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
