This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
