So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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