So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Panties = found
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
