...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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