I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
