Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
