I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
