I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
