you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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