How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
