So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
