so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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