If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize