I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
