I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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