so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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