In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize