I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
