He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
