...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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