go do what you do best...puke behind churches
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
