i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
