he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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