Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
