and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
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