I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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