I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
