its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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