the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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