I've blown a few things in my day
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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