he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Panties = found
Randomize
