So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I take back everything I said about communal showers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
