my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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