I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Randomize
