So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
