my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
