Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
