Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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