My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
