nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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