Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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