Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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