You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Found the puke drawer
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
