I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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