let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
