How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i now understand why vodka
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
